Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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