Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
