im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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