i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
