i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
