i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
