She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
