so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
