OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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