Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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