drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
