Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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