Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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