She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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