It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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