Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
