Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
