They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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