We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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