Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
