If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
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