Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Come share oat with me in your robe
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
