I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
