I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
