So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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