I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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