Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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