Having a random hookup so left but love u
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
