I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
