fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
