oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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