I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
