Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
