So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We left the knife in your bed.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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