I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize