Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize