Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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