I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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