she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
