i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize