if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
