do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
