this beer tastes like vomit already
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize