I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
