I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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