doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
