evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
