I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
