some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
