in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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