chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
