you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
