Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
