I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
