Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
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