My cat gives me a boner
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
