in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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