I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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