Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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