I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
