Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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