Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize