you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
vagina is talking i cant
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dignity is for republicans.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize