Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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