I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Randomize
