Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
