she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
