he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
