Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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