You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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